my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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