does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize