So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
organizing the empties. That sober.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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