And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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