highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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