Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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