my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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