Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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