matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize