when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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