you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
that may or may not have been my penis.
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