You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sarcasm needs its own font
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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