Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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