Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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