There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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