Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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