party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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