is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize