he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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