I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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