so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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