I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize