One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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