after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize