When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize