You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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