We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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