You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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