Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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