break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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