youre lurking in front of me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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