The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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