I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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