i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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