Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
