My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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