Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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