why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize