You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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