went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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