I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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