i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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