My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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