After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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