Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How external is "for external use only"?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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