help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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