Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize