someone threw a dead crab at me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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