I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize