I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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