True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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