The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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